It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize