yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
