you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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