Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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