...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
