hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
