Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
