I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize