So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
