she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
