All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize