Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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