it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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