There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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