before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
