somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
