You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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