he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
