We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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