no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
