I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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