my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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