she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
