Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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