You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
