What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
