You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
