I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
