hotel room ftw
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Never underestimate the power of titties
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
