my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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