I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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