: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize