Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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