So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
