I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
