so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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