i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
