allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
