there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize