I got her a Nickelback box set.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
