I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
