I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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