Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
