where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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