Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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