We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
