Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
