im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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