I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
