I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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