Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the day after is always just damage control
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
