What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
