I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize