in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
