I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My balls are so social today.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
