where am i from again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
