ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
