i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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