I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize