dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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