a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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