hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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