literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
