omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
