yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize