yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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