My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
