Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
