The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize