i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize